Rediscovery
by spottedhorse
Summary: Brass wakes up in the hospital with no memory. Why? And what next?
1. Chapter 1

Follow up to Discovery. I'm finding that as much as I like PureJoy, I like Brillows (my own name for them) as well. There is a connection there...they live in the same world. As I watched Jim's weariness and despair about having to call the dead girl's parents in Good Bye and Good Luck, I wondered what he would be like without the memory of his demons. Hope you enjoy.

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He was in fog. Mists surrounded him, invaded his brain. Voices were heard in the distance...a man and a woman, no two men. The woman was crying. Why? Where were they? Where was he? He tried to motion to them but his hand felt like lead; tried to cry out, but no sound would come. The voices were growing fainter...disappearing in the mist. As they departed, he retreated into the fog until it was total darkness.

The voices again...the woman wasn't crying this time; she was demanding. One of the men tried to calm her...the other seemed to be explaining. He tried to fight his way further out of the fog this time, tried again to lift his hand or call out. Nothing. He felt a hand touch his...heard a voice, barely a whisper through the mist..."I'm here..." Then a soft sob and a male voice tenderly talking. "He's still out of it. Come on, you need rest." The hand left his and he was alone again, falling back into the darkness.

Light wormed its way into his fog. He followed it. Sensing a presence close by, he again tried to make contact. Still nothing. He listened. Breathing. Someone was close by and breathing. Then a sensation on his hand...a raindrop? Hearing a sniffle, he realized that no, it was a teardrop. Who was there, crying over him? Fighting with all of his strength, he forced his eyes to open. She was beautiful...a fairy princess like he used to read about to...who? Someone. Her hair was a reddish blonde and her eyes, though filled with tears, were a tantilizing shade of a blue/green. Unlike any he could remember. But ...he didn't remember any other. Who was she? As he watched her, another question formed in his mind. Who was he? His strength failed him and he retreated into the fog again.

The voices again. Closer this time. And the fog was not so dense. The mists were clearing and the light shone through. Finally he was able to push his way towards it and fight his way through the mist. His eyes opened and he moaned. Three sets of eyes all turned toward him. A young pair of blue eyes were suddenly over him, probing as were his hands. A doctor. He looked around and realized that he was in a hospital. Then he saw the other two. A man...fiftish with seriously greying hair and even more serious eyes. And a woman...his fairy princess from before. But she was real...fortish, a little more maybe. But awesomely beautiful. And she was smiling...at him. Unshed tears were gathering in her eyes as she gazed at him. Then her eyes went from him to the doctor.

The doctor stood and smiled. "You've had a very nice rest. I'm glad you've decided to wake up. Are you in any pain?"

He realized that he was. His back...and his leg. His leg was a sharp pain. His back just hurt everywhere, as if a thousand needles were pricking him. Not unbearable, but not comfortable either. He nodded.

"Not surprising," said the doctor. "You took quite a blast. I'll order some pain meds for you." Quietly he stepped out of the room and she moved closer to him, leaning over and gently kissing his forehead while tenderly rubbing his cheek. "It's good to have you back." She smiled. The man leaned in a little too. "You gave us a scare...I thought we had an agreement. No more heroics, right?"

He stared at the two, confused. Who were they? More to the point, he again was asking himself who he was.

The man frowned. "Jim, you look...confused?"

_Jim...my name is Jim._ He rolled it around in his brain. It brought no recognition. Nothing. He supposed it was as good as any, though. Opening his mouth, he managed to speak, although rather hoarsely. "What happened? Who are you? Who am I?"

The beauty looked horrified. The man looked...puzzled. The doctor walked in again and both turned to fill him in. Frowning, he leaned over his patient. "Jim, do you know where you are?"

Jim looked around. "Hospital."

"I'm Dr. Evans. Do you know who these people are?"

Looking from the doctor to the other two, he nodded his head, "No."

"Can you tell me your name?"

Gazing at the other man, he replied, "Jim."

"And your last name?"

"You gonna tell me or do I have to pick one?" he smirked.

Catherine relaxed a little. Jim's memory might be gone, but he was still there inside.

The doctor chuckled..."Brass, your last name is Brass. Ring any bells?"

Slowly he nodded his head. "No."

"Okay...well, this is Catherine" he said indicating the fairy princess. "And this is Gil," he said indicating the other man.

Jim nodded as he absorbed their names.

"Now...a test," the doctor continued. "Who am I?"

"Evans..."

"Right...and the other gentleman?"

"Gil...and beautiful there is Catherine...and I'm...Jim Brass. " He let his name roll out of his mouth, trying to see if it felt natural. It didn't feel anything.

The nurse showed up with the meds. Dr. Evans told them all that Jim would probably just sleep for awhile and they the two visitors should get some rest. Catherine insisted on staying. The nurse, Gil, and the doctor all exited, leaving her standing next to Jim.

She seemed to expect something but he wan't sure what. It's difficult to anticipate a person's needs when you can't remember the person. Finally he grinned, "Hey beautiful."

A huge smile broke out on her face. Her eyes twinkled. "You've looked better, yourself," she teased.

"What do I look like?" He suddenly realized he wouldn't recognize himself in a mirror.

"Scruffy with three days of growth on your face. But it's a nice face...square and masculine with beautiful blue eyes that tell me everything. I think you have the most exprssive eyes I've ever seen on a man."

"Is that a good thing?" He was fascinated by her eyes.

"I think it is. Although you have been known to use it to your advantage. I'll bring a hand mirror with me next time so you can see for yourself. And we'll see what we can do about a shave. The Marine in you doesn't like scruffy."

"I'm a Marine?"

"You were. You told me that the Corps gave you direction...discipline. Apparently you were incorrigible as a young man. As I've gotten to know you better, I find it very believable." She was teasing him now, he realized. "But you said the Corps, and one sargeant in particular, straightened you out."

"Oh," was all he could think to say. As his mind pondered their conversation, he became curious. "Ah..what are we exactly.? I mean, to each other?"

"Well," she gave him a thoughtful look, "right now, you are my hero. But we've been friends for years; I used to work for you and you were a terrible boss," she laughed. "But you moved to a different department and we've become very good friends...and lately, something more."

Studying her calculated ending, he queried, "something more?"

"Um hmmm, dance partners and... lovers." Her expression was wistful and a little frightened.

His eyes wandered over her body. _A man would be a fool to not want a piece of that,_ he thought. _Just how good was it? I'll bet it was hot...she's a very sexy woman. What did I really feel about her? Was I in love with her or was she just a tasty piece... I wonder if after I get out of here...nah, I shouldn't mess with her until I know who I am, can remember her._

Catherine caught the expression on his face and knew exactly where his mind was. She leaned over him and planted a very hot, heart felt kiss on his lips that was full of promise for the future. As she moved away he realized that something had stirred in him. _Damn, the drugs are covering up what I'm feeling. What am I feeling? Desire. Oh...yeah... anything else? _As he looked into her gorgeous eyes, he realized that he wanted to feel a lot more.

"I'm going to go and let you rest," she said. "I'll come back later."

"Okay," he smiled. "You do that...and wear something really provacative. Maybe it'll jog my memory."

"I don't know about your memory, but I'll guarantee to jog something else," she teased as she walked out.

He watched the door close behind her with a lecherous grin on his face. He settled back into his pillow, fantasizing about her and dreaming of discovering her all over again. The meds took effect and he drifted into sleep with only her to fill his dreams.

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What do ya think? Want more? Have ideas about where this should go? Gotta tell me. No reviews equals no interest.


	2. Chapter 2

Jim woke up in the dark. He was alone. As he laid there, he reflected that there can't possibly be a more lonely feeling that not even having yourself as company. But as he tried to reflect on himself, there was nothing, his only memories were of the doctor...Evans, Gil, and Catherine in his room earlier. He didn't even have any sense of time. Were they here a little while ago, hours ago, days ago? Panic began to make his stomach churn. He began to squirm in the bed, which made his leg hurt and the neddles in his back complain. Grabbing the bed rails, he forced himself to be still. It was then that the door opened and she came in.

"Jim, are you awake?" she whispered in the dark.

"Yeah." He tried not to let his panic show in his voice.

Soft lights came on as she turned on the switch and he saw that he had failed. Her expression told him that she understood his state of mind. Filled with concern, she approached him. "You okay?"

"Ah...yeah, now that I have company." His smile was weak, his insides still churnning.

"Maybe we need to leave a little light on all the time," she suggested.

"No Catherine, it's just...I woke up and had nothing. No sense of time or place...or me. And I was alone... "

"I could arrange for someone to be here all the time so that won't happen again. You have lots of friends, you know."

"Ah...I appreciate that. But no. Right now everyone is a stranger to me...please, I don't know how to explain. But it would be like trying to be nice to strangers all the time. I...I'm not up to it."

Looking at him thoughtfully, she repleid. "I hadn't thought of that...in that way. But...I must seem like a stranger too then?"

"Yeah...at first. But I can feel that there's more. Besides, you're the one I have spent the most time with, have the most memories for right now. So you are the most familiar."

"You...feel there's more between us?"

"Yeah...I don't remember it, but inside...I feel it, know it." He smiled a genuine smile then. One that lit his whole face; one that Catherine was gratified to see.

"Good. The doctor said your memory should come back eventually; in the meantime, you need to trust me."

He stayed very still, very quiet. She watched his jaw muscles clench as he was thinking and watched tears form in his eyes. Her hands were resting on his bedrail and gently he took one in his big paw of a hand. His touch felt so good to her...there was still a connection between them. Her other hand covered his and she raised her eyes to his, two sets of blue locking. The peace of the moment filled her heart, and his, as a tear trickled down his face. "Thank you," he said softly.

Fighting back her own tears, she too spoke softly. "I love you, Jim. And I'm here for you...hold onto that, onto me whenever you need to."

The moment was broken by Dr. Evans' entry into the room. "Good, you're awake." He smiled as he noticed the hands on the bedrail. "are you ready for a report on your condition?"

"Yeah," Jim answered with conviction.

"Okay, the blast sent shrapnel into your back, with a large piece of metal lodging into your leg. We've removed the pieces in your back and stitched the few spots where it was warranted, but most are not deep wounds. Your leg required a little more care as surgery was required to get the piece out. You've got a hole there, I'm afraid, and it will take some time to heal properly." He paused before getting to the thing that he knew worried Jim the most. "As for your memory...the neurologist believes that the force of the blast has caused a massive concussion, which would explain the total amnesia. Most concussions have some bit of memory loss associated with them although sometimes it is such a small amount, the patient never notices. Often the memory loss surrounds the incident that caused the concussion. The worse the concussion, the worse the memory loss. Dr. Sanger, your neurologist, is amazed that more of your brain hasn't suffered. But your speech and motor skills are all intact, as far as we can determine. Can't completely test your legs just yet. Otherwise you seem fine. So, the good news is that as your brain heals, your memory should return. There may be gaps...some memories that never come back, but on the whole...you'll know who you are and you'll get your life back." He paused again. "Your loved ones," his eyes moving to Catherine, " can fill in the gaps, I'm sure."

"How long?" Jim asked.

"We don't know. Could be days, could be weeks. Can't rush the brain."

His expression told Jim to be patient, but he didn't want to be. He wanted to remember now. "What can I do to help it along?"

Evans smiled. "Get plenty of rest...no aspirin, it's bad for you right now. And let this lovely lady dote over you...that should be easy enough." Evans winked at Catherine and left the room.

Catherine watched Jim's face as he processed all that the doctor said. "So, I have a brain bruise?"

Leave it to Jim to put it like that, Catherine thought. "Sounds like you got a big one. But he did say your memory will come back. You just have to be patient."

'Yeah," he scowled. "But I want to remember. I want to know who I am." His frustration was evident in his tone.

Pulling a mirror from her bag, she said, "well, we can start with this." She handed it to him. "Meet Jim Brass."

He hesitated before looking into the glass. Catherine watched his expression as he studied his features. Disappointment seemed to encompass him. "Jim?"

"I guess it's not a bad face...more wrinkles than I'd like. I just don't remember it," he sighed.

"Most of those lines are from laughter and that Big Jim smile of yours, although you do have a few worry lines in your forehead. But it's a good face, Jim...one that I love."

His blue eyes looked up at her. "What's a beautiful, sexy woman like you doing with wrinkled, grey and balding old guy like me?"

Chuckling naughtily, she responded. "You get well enough to get out of here and I'll show you. You're pretty sexy yourself, Jim. And ...well, let's just say that the younger guys could learn a lot from you about how to please a woman."

A grin grew across his scruffy face as he digested her words and understood her meaning. "Yeah? Is that a promise?" Mischief lit in his eyes as he continued, "I could make room in the bed here, you know."

Laughing she replied, "they keep you much longer and you may have to." Then growing a little more serious, she touched his cheek with her hand. "I miss you, Jim."

"I miss me too...I think," he said ruefully. "Why am I here anyway? What happened?"

"We were processing a scene..."

"Processing a scene?"

"Yeah...oh, I'm a CSI, Crime Scene Investigator, and you're a cop...detective...Captain actually. You're rank says you should spend most of your time behind a desk supervising but that's not your style. You're a hands on kind of guy," she grinned saliciously, "very...hands...on." Her eyes sparkled at the memory of his hands on her. Jim chuckled at her double meaning. "So...anyway, we were at the scene. Looked like a gang shooting. I was going over the body and Gil was walking the perimeter. You were standing a few feet away from me. Then a car came down the street and I stood up to watch it. You were watching it too because it was heading straight for us. The uniforms dove out of its way as it broke through the tape and came towards us. As it turned the corner, the passenger threw something out of the window and it was coming at me. You saw it and dove into me, driving me into the ground. The little bomb hit the ground a few feet away and exploded just as we hit the dirt. You were covering me with your body, so you got all the shrapnel. Well, almost. I few small pieces peppered my legs and Gil got peppered some in his face because he was running towards us. But he says you may have saved my life. If all that stuff had hit me while I was standing...well, that piece that went into your leg would have hit me higher up."

Jim listened to the story and tried to picture it. It must have been chaos. How did he know what was about to happen and why had he reacted the way he did? " I dove toward you, instead of away from the thing?"

"Yeah, Jim...you did. It's the kind of man you are. You'd have done the same for any of us. You consider the CSIs as 'your people' and look out for us. You used to be our supervisor and you were a real grouch at times. It took awhile but we finally figured out it was because you were afraid for us. Once you moved to Homicide, you lightened up on us because you weren't responsible for us anymore. But I can't tell you how many times you chewed a uniform's ass for leaving us vulnerable at a crime scene. And if you're there, you're always on guard."

"So...that's why you said I was your hero."

"Yes, it is. It's not the first time you've put yourself in the hospital while protecting someone else, but it's the first time someone has done that for me."

Remembering Gil's comment from before, Jim asked, "Gil said we had an agreement, no more heroics. What was that about?"

"About a year and a half ago, you walked into a hotel room where a man was holding a gun on a woman...a hostage situation. You walked in unarmed to talk him down. You almost had him and then he shot you. The bullet went in near your shoulder but then travelled to your heart. You almost died...well, actually...your heart did stop. But you came back to us. "

"The woman?"

"Is alive and very grateful."

Contemplating all that she said, he reflected, "I sound too good to be true."

"Oh, you have your moments, good and bad. But you are one of the best. Guys like you don't come around too often."

He frowned at the her statement. "I don't ...feel all that good."

Touching his face again and then kissing him lightly, she said, "you feel very good to me." His jaw clenched as his body tensed. "Jim?"

"I wish I could remember...I want to remember you, especially."

"You will, I'm unforgetable really," she smirked. "In the meantime, we'll make some new memories." One thing about Jim Brass, Catherine observed, you could see everything he was thinking and feeling in his eyes. Right now, she saw how much he needed her, as if she was his grip on his sanity. Not remembering scared him and it was getting to him. "You're not alone in this, Jim. I'm right here with you."

His expression brightened a little. "You said something about me getting a shave...my face is beginning to itch." He needed to change the subject.

Catherine understood. "Yeah, I went by your place and got your shaving stuff. You want me to help you or do you want to try it on your own?"

A playful grin grew on his mouth as he thought about her shaving him. "You gonna shave me real close?"

"As close as you want it." Her eyes were sparkling again.

His mood had lightened considerably. "Maybe I'd better try on my own. Wouldn't want to embarass the nurse if she walked in to see the results of you shaving me. Might get really ...close."

"Okay...but I plan to watch. I like watching a man shave." She brought over the little bag with his gear in it. She found the hospital pink tub and put some water in it and set it ont the table next to him. Then sitting on the edge of his bed, she held the mirror so he could see. He lathered up and went to work. Their eyes met several times over the mirror and a quiet peace grew between them. Her presence and, she suspected, the ordianry exercise of shaving were calming him. Once he finished, she got a cloth for him to wipe the remainig bits of lather off and then cleaned up. He watched her as she completed the task.

"How do you suppose I can remember how to shave but I can't remember the really important stuff. It doesn't make sense to me."

She thought for a moment before replying. "I guess shaving is a muscle memory...your muscles remember the action even if your mind doesn't." She stroked his now smooth cheek. "You know...sex is probably a muscle memory too."

His eyebrows shot up as he followed her thought. "You really do want to embarass the nurse, don't you?"

"You just wait til those stitches come out of your leg. I'll show you exactly what I want."

His hand went to her face, where his thumb stroked her cheek. Then slowly, it travelled down her neck and continued south. His thumb rubbed over her nipple as his hand made it's way down her breast and continued to torture her as it moved even further down. Finally it came to rest on her thigh, very close her hot box. A lusty grin grew on his face and his eyes never left hers.

Recognizing the desire in his expression and the growing bulge under his sheet, she grinned. "Patience, Jim. Those stitches have to stay in a few more days."

"Aw...come on...just a little preview," he said, kneading her thigh.

Laughing, she leaned forward and gave him a kiss, Her laughter faded as her sounds turned to moans. It was not just a friendly kiss. Their lips melded and then tongues sought each other. They danced and plunged, then plundered. His hand was strong behind her head, his fingers caressing her scalp. She could feel his fervor growing, as she also felt hers. Finally they broke for air. "Damn Jim, your muscles have no memory problems. God, you are a good kisser."

A knowing grin spread across his face. "Damn straight. And I intend to kiss you a lot. I like your lips."

"I like your lips too," she said as she bent into him for another go at it. Her tongue traced his lips, taunting and teasing, before it entered to find his tongue. They danced wildly, raising their owner's temperatures as they played. Again she moaned and his hand began to travel her body.

"This is a hospital, not one of those cat houses down on the strip," an annoyed femine voice spoke from behind them.

Catherine pulled away and turned to see a rather agitated nurse standing behind her. Jim was smirking. The nurse looked from one face to the other. "Save it for your release," she directed at Jim.

Jim grinned at her. "You're just jealous," he quipped. "Come on over here and I"ll let you in on the action."

Catherine flashed Jim a surprised glare. The nurse hurumped and spewed as she checked his IV. "Aw...come on... there's plenty of me to go around," he teased.

"You're a bad man, Captain Brass...a very bad man," she said as she walked out of the room.

Catherine started giggling. "What?" Jim asked innocently.

"Where did that come from?"

"What?" He was grinning.

"Your sexual harassment of the nurse..."

"Oh...she wanted me, I could tell." He was chuckling now too.

"Jim...you are incorrigible. And I love it."

He sighed a happy sigh. "Yeah...I know. All the babes dig incorrigible."

Laughing, she told him that she needed to go. She needed to get some sleep before her shift.

He patted the bed and told her that she could sleep there, he'd make room.

"I have no doubt that you'd make room," she retorted. "But I doubt that I'd get much sleep." She kissed him one last time and headed out.

That night, the gang asked her how Jim was doing. "Oh, he's doing fine," she answered. "But I'm not to sure about the nurses."

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Reviews equals interest. Let me know what you think. Also, any suggestions?


	3. Chapter 3

Gil Grissom decided to swing by the hospital to visit Jim after the shift ended. He expected to enter the room and find Jim asleep, but was greeted by a huge grin when he entered his friend's room. Jim was sitting up in the bed with his leg propped up, eating breakfast. "Hey, Gil...want some food?" Jim asked as Gil eyed the plate.

"Thanks, but no."

"Okay then, but you are missing out on some really great food." Gil watched the patient with a suspicious eye. Something wasn't right about his friend's attitude. Jim wasn't normally this happy in the best of circumstances. And he hated hospitals and hospital food. Moving closer to Jim, Gil tried to get a good look at his eyes. Once he got close enough, the evidence was overwhelming. "Jim, how much medication have you had?"

"Oh, whatever the little button will give me," he said brightly. He picked up the little button and pushed it just to show Gil how it worked. Gil watched as the machine released the meds into Jim's IV. Turning, he walked out of the room in search of a nurse. A few minutes later, she came into the room and headed for the machine. Gil stood at the foot of the bed as she inspected it. "Oh my," she said. "It was set too high. You were right Mr. Grissom. He's been over medicating."

"Just what has he been dosing himself with?" asked Gil.

"Morphine." Her expression revealed just how dangerous it could be. "I don't understand it. I set it up for him in the beginning and I know it was correct. I double checked it."

Gil looked at Jim, who was smiling smugly. "Ah...Jim has had some medic training, first in the Marines and then some subsequent stuff for the police department. He could have changed the setting."

The nurse eyed her patient with suspicion. He grinned at her and was wearing his 'I'm innocent' look that Gil recognized insatntly. Jim had changed the setting. "Perhaps you should move the machine farther away from the bed," Gil suggested. Jim shot a frustrated look at Gil.

The nurse made all the necessary adjustments and then left the room. Gil looked at Jim and asked, "okay, why did you change the setting. You trying to OD or something?"

"Me? I don't know how to do that," Jim replied, a sly smile playing on his face.

"Yes, you do. I've seen you help paramedics with IVs before."

"Yeah, but I don't remember, _remember_?"

"Jim..." Gil sighed in frustration. "Why?"

Jim shrugged his shoulders. "I got bored and nervous. But I've been happy ever since." Grissom stood and stared at his friend for a long time, trying to understand. "When did you change it?"

"I don't know. Yesterday, I think."

"No more of that, okay? You were on morphine when you were in the hospital before. It'll become easier and easier to develop an addiction."

Sighing heavily, Jim's smile faded. "I don't remember before," he exclaimed as he swiped his hand over his food tray, sending it flying onto the floor. He glared at Gil in frustration. "No one seems to get it...I CAN"T REMEMBER!"

Gil stood in shock. Jim had been upset and frustrated many times over the years, but Gil had never seen that kind of outburst. He knew that there should be something he could say or do to help, but he couldn't think of it. In the face of Jim's anger, he felt helpless. "I suppose it's silly to ask if you are in pain?" Gil finally asked.

Jim started laughing sarcastically. "Yeah...I can promise you, I am feeling no pain." Then he seemed to sink into himself, sad and looking very lonely.

"It'll come back, Jim...your memory will come back."

Jim looked at him, suddenly tired. "Sure," was all he said. "I'm tired now. Turn off the lights when you leave." He closed his eyes, letting Gil know that the visit was over.

As he walked to his car, Gil dialed Catherine. He filled her in on Jim's behavior and suggested that she try to stop by, sooner rather than later. She agreed. Then she asked him a question that she had been considering since her visit with Jim the day before. "What about Ellie? Do you think we should call her?"

Gil thought about it a moment before answering. "I'm not sure what good it would do. She didn't stay long last time...never even talked to him."

"Yeah, you're right," sighed Catherine. "I just thought...maybe she could fill in some of the balnks for him."

"Cath, do we really want her to fill in the blanks?"

"Good point. Okay, well...I have an errand to run and then I'll go by to see Jim. Thanks for letting me know what was going on."

Catherine remembered seeing a photo album on Jim's shelf. She went by his house and picked it up. Maybe this will give him some answers, she thought.

A man was leaving his room just as Catherine got there. Knocking softly, she walked in. He was staring at the window, looking depressed. "Hey Jim," she smiled as she approached the bed.

Turning his head toward her, he barley acknowledged her. "Hey."

"That's all I get. Yeaterday when I left, you were trying to get me into bed with you."

"Yeah...well, haven't you heard? I was stoned...high as a kite."

"You were full of it..." she smiled.

He closed his eyes and sighed. Her heart was breaking as she watched his stuggle. "Who was the man coming out of the room? A new doctor?"

"Yeah...now they think I need a shrink. They think I'm a real looney toon."

"You always have been, Jim." she teased.

He rolled his eyes. "I'll have to take your word for it."

"I brought your photo album. I have no idea what's inside, but I thought..."

He eyed the book suspiciously. "You don't know what's there?"

"No...I imagine it's your family, friends. You used to live in New Jersey so I never met them."

"Oh," he said flatly. Then suddenly he looked up at her. "When did we meet?"

"Well...I was a brand new CSI and you had just moved here from Jersey. You caused quite a stir when you came."

"I did? How?"

"Seems you busted a corruption ring inside the Newark PD. Took you years of investigating. You worked Vice with them and gathered enough evidence to bust it up and send several bad cops to jail."

" I did that? It seems...wrong."

"Wrong? These guys were as crooked as they come. You did your fellow clean cops a huge favor."

"Yeah...sure. I was a rat."

"Many saw you as a hero."

Jim just smirked. He sat quietly a moment. "That still doesn't tell me about when we met."

"Oh...yeah. Well, you were this big new tough ass cop and it was my second case. Gil was supervising. He had me taking pictures and tagging evidence. You were just standing around, watching. I was following a blood trail and bumped right into you. I stumbled but you reached out and caught me in your arms. It was...very close. I can still remember the smell of your aftershave. I was married back then, so I ...well, I knew I shouldn't be thinking what I was thinking."

"Which was?"

"I, um...well...I wondered what you'd be like in bed. You had such strong arms and you smelled soooo good. And your smile...wow. It was potent."

Jim tried to picture the meeting, wanted to remember the feel of her in his arms for the first time. "I wish I could remember the way you felt," he said thoughtfully.

She smiled at him. "Sit up." He looked at her confused, as his eyebrows shot up. "Come on,"she said. "Humor me."

He scooted up as far as he could in the bed. She let the guard rail down and sat on the bed next to him and then leaned into him. At first he hesitated but then put his arms around her. "You still feel good, Jim." She felt his arms tighten around her, pulling her even closer to him. "You feel good too," he said quietly. "So, maybe it was a little like the first time...for you anyway. For me, it's like...coming home." She felt him swallow. Sitting up, she looked at him fully in the face. A tear was working its way out of his eye. Her head tilted as she looked at him, puzzled. "Jim?"

His blue pools were swimming. "You felt that...about me?" He whispered.

Rubbing his cheek with her hand, she smiled. "Yeah." Jim looked so lost. It pained her to see that expression on him. Suddenly his mood changed as he flared. "I don't need your pity, Catherine."

Surprised by his sudden vehemence, she sat up straight. "I'm not feeling pity, Jim. You're hurting, which means I am too. And...I miss you."

"Why? Am I different somehow? Maybe you don't really want me anymore." His anger was palatable.

"Jim? Where did that come from? Not want you? I oughta slap you silly for saying that. Don't be such an idiot. I'd be miserable without you. I meant, I miss being with you. The hospital isn't exactly ...relationship friendly. Of course I want you."

He stared at her in disbelief. "Why?"

Now she was really confused. "I'm beginning to wonder, you big dumbass. Most of the time you're funny, smart, considerate, supportive, caring...is that enough or do you want me to keep going? Plus, you're the best damned...hottest...fantastic lover a woman could ask for."

"ME?"

"Yeah...you!"

She saw his anger collapse. "I'm sorry," he said simply.

"Jim, I know this is tough. I can't begin to imagine what it's like inside that head of yours, but ...I'm not going away. Please, trust me to be here for you."

"Blank."

"What?"

"Inside my head. It's blank."

Blue eyes met blue eyes as she gazed at him. She hoped he could see somehow, just how much she loved him. He was frustrated, confused, and scared and had a right to all of those feelings. She just didn't want him to think he had to be alone with them.

"Catherine?"

"Yes?"

"I think I'm falling in love with you."

"You told me the other night, Jim. You don't think, you know you are in love with me. And I believed you then as I do now. We'll get through this, trust me."

"Okay," he smile meekly. "Just promise me..." he added.

"Promise what?"

"That you won't slap me silly," he said with his signature twinkle in his eye.

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Hope I answered all questions and concerns, so far. More to come...that is, if you want more.


	4. Chapter 4

Jim had fallen asleep. Catherine sat in a chair near his bed, watching him. Her mind wandered over the events of the morning and she was puzzled. Jim hadn't acted much at all like the Jim she knew. He had a temper, she'd seen it enough when he was her supervisor, but he wasn't normally erratic. And his mood swings...very uncharacteristic. Gil had said he was high and worse, he'd done it to himself, earlier. That wasn't like Jim either. Oh, he could outdrink all of them and still be upright, totally wasted. But he didn't get toasted just to get toasted. Apparently he had told Gil that he had upped his meds because he was bored. ...No, not like Jim at all. So what was going on with him?

A few minutes later, his doctor walked in. He gave Jim a quick look and then quietly asked Catherine to step into the hall with him. Once outside his door, Dr. Evans explained to her. "I had a psychiatrist talk to him earlier. He believes that Jim's antics have a physical explanation rather than a mental or emotional one. We've set up a CATscan for him this afternoon. After consulting with his neurologist, we suspect that there has been more swelling than we first thought. Is it possible for you to stay through the afternoon? He may be faced with some tough decisions and I would prefer that he not make them alone."

"Ah, yeah...sure. I can stay. What kind of decisions?"

"Well, depending on where the swelling is and how much there is, he may be looking at surgery."

"On his head?"

"Yes, but I'm getting ahead of the tests here. It could also be something that will resolve itself. We'll have to see the results of the scan. Dr. Miller, the psychiatrist, says Jim is capable of making these decisions. I just don't want him making them without some support."

"Okay. But...just how bad can this get?"

"Let's try not to get ahead of ourselves. ...Stay positive. With any luck, this will take care of itself and he'll be himself soon."

"So, do you want me to tell him anything?"

"Just that there will be another test this afternoon. No sense alarming him if we don't have to."

"Okay, Dr. Evans. And thank you."

She went back into the room. Sitting back in the chair, she began watching him again. Her mind wandered, reliving various scenes with him since they had first met. As her mind played throught the years, she realized just how much of a quiet, steadying, understanding presence he had been. They hadn't been close in the same way she was close with Gil. Any sexual tension with Gil had faded long ago. With Jim, however, it seemd to increase over the years. But now, she felt a closeness that she had never before felt with any man. Eddie had been all about sex, really. She loved him and she believed that he had loved her as best he could. But there had never been trust. Other men had come and gone and all had fallen miles short of needs and expectations. She loved Gil and at one time had thought of him as a possibility, but they were too different. Besides, he felt more like a brother. But Jim, she sighed...Jim had always exceded her expectations. Tears rolled down her face as she thought about the night of the explosion; how he had protected her from the full force of the blast. And now, here he was in the hospital with no memory and possibly needing more surgery. Determination filled her as she contemplated the doctor's words. She wasn't going to let him be hurt anymore. She wouldn't risk losing him...not forever. Losing him would be like losing herself.

Her eyes moved to his hands. They were strong hands, but they could be very gentle. She knew that intimately. Right now, she'd give just about anything to feel those hands on her body, not for the sexual pleasure they would most certainly provide, but for the comfort of his touch.

He took in a deep breath and her eyes travelled to his chest. Memories of his last stay in the hospital flooded her mind. It was then that she realized just how powerful his upper body was. She was sure that many people mistook his stocky build for middle age spread, but she had seen that beneath the bandages, he was well muscled. With all the physical therapy, the situation had even improved. Resting her head on his chest and listening to his heartbeat while fingering the hairs on his chest had become a new favorite pasttime of hers. She wanted to do that now. She ached to do that now.

Slowly she became aware of him watching her. Her eyes went to his face, a small smile creeping onto his lips. It was as if time stood still for a moment as their eyes met and locked into some silent understanding that could not be understood cognitively. It had to be felt.

"You're still here," he said softly, as if he were afraid she would disappear if he made any noise.

"Yeah...I am," she answered as her hand reached to find his.

"I'm sorry about earlier...about getting angry, I mean. I...sometimes I just suddenly get angry. I don't know why."

"Well, it's understandable. But the doctor thinks that there might be more swelling than they thought. He's ordered a CAT scan for this afternoon. Just wants to see what's going on."

"Okay." He lapsed into silence for a few minutes and then squeezed her hand. "Will you stay with me?"

"Always...as long as you want me."

"Forever?" His voice and his expression were almost childlike, a new look for Jim Brass. There was no sign of the snarly, tough detective in the room that afternoon. There was no humor, no smart-ass quips, and no glares. The man in the bed was quiet, wounded, and needing her for balance.

Jim had become agitated when the attendant came to take him to the CAT scan. Catherine could tell that he was headed for another angry outburst when she offered to walk with him. It seemed to help him contain his temper. After he was settled back in his room, it seemed to take forever for the results. Finally, Dr. Evans entered the room. Catherine noted instantly, that he looked grim.

"Jim, I'm afraid that there had been more swelling since your first test when you were brought into the hospital. We need to relieve the pressure."

Jim squirmed in his bed. "Relieve the pressure? How?"

The doctor explained the procedure. As he concluded, he emphasized that although it was technically surgery it was barely invasive. "We're not going to go in and tinker with your brain. We just need to help your brain heal."

Catherine could see that Jim was looking apprehensive. He began to fidget a little, a sign of his inner uncertainty. Closing in on his bed, Catherine reached for and grasped his hand, clutching it firmly in hers. Looking at her he asked, what do you think?"

"I think that I'm slowly losing you as the swelling increases, Jim. But... do what you think is best for you."

He studied her face for a moment and then turned back to the doctor. "Will it help me remember?"

"Possibly. But if it isn't done, there will be permanent memory loss. I can't say how much."

"Okay, then...do it," he said to Dr. Evans. And then looking at Catherine, he asked, "will you be here?"

Squeezing his hand again and holding it, she smiled. "Bet on it."

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I'm not a doctor. My medical facts are not facts at all, just tools to move the story along. Please don't rip me up for any misinformation. As always, no reviews equals no interest. Let me know if you want more:-)


	5. Chapter 5

The surgery took longer than the doctor had predicted. Gil was waiting with Catherine for a report from the doctor. As more and more time passed, she became increasingly nervous. Gil stood against the wall, his arms folded, willing patience. Finally Dr. Evans appeared in the doorway.

Catherine stood and waited for him to approach. Gil moved behind her. "He's in recovery," reported the physician. "Things took a little longer than expected but we think everything went very well. A preliminary scan shows quite a reduction in the swelling already. We'll know more tomorrow morning." He paused as Catherine let out a long breath. "He'll be in recovery for another couple of hours and then we'll move him to the step down unit in ICU for the night. If he does well in the night, he'll be back in his room in the morning."

"When will he wake up?" asked Catherine.

"We won't move him out of recovery until he comes out of it. You can see him in the step down after he is settled there."

Catherine was obviously agitated. She didn't want to wait so long to see him. "Could I just peek in on him in recovery?" she asked. She needed to see that he was okay.

Evans hesitated before answering. Well, there's only one other patient there. I suppose we could bend the rule...just a minute or two though."

"Thanks. That's all I need."

"I'll take you back there," he said.

Catherine turned to look back at Gil. He nodded to her, encouraging her to go. Following the doctor, she entered the recovery room. Jim was in the back corner. He looked so pale and still but he was breathing. She had expected a huge bandage wrapping most of his head, but the bandage was really kind of small. There was some gauze circling around but even that was less than she expected. Gently she touched his cheek and bent to whisper into his ear. "I'm here, Jim. They want you to rest though, so I'll see you a little later. I love you." Standing up she turned and thanked the doctor before leaving the room.

Catherine and Gil knew the routine...Sit and wait for word that he had been moved. Breaking the silence Gil asked, "how long have you and Jim been together?"

"Remember the night we all went to that new club?" Gil nodded. "Well, dancing with him like that...there was just something there I hadn't felt before, or hadn't realized that I felt."

"So in a couple of dances you went from being long time friends to...lovers?"

"Yeah," she smiled. "Well...no, not exactly. I had him take me home and then..."

Gil looked at her with mild surprise. Thinking a moment, he commented. "I think you are good for each other."

"You do? How? I mean, I know that he's good for me, but how am I good for him?"

"You understand his world and his pain. We've talked some over the years. His ex did a real number on him and then there's Ellie. He worries about her all the time but there is nothing he can do. Between the two of them, he doesn't think he's worthy of love or that he is capable of taking care of those he does love. And Jim's the type of man that needs to take care of his women. It's a part of showing his love. In his mind, not being able to do that makes him less of a man. He can't help Ellie and the ex, well...you understand what she did, what it did to him."

Thinking outloud, Catherine mumbled. "Less of a man...he just blew himself up taking care of me. How much more man could he be?" A sick feeling was churning in her stomach. "What am I going to do if he still doesn't remember? I...need him so much."

"He'll remember. But even if he doesn't, look at how he is with you now. He may not remember you, but he knows he loves you. You could always build new memories."

Catherine smiled as she thought of Jim. "Oh... either way, there will be new memories."she said with determination.

A little while later, the phone in the waiting room rang and the voice on the other end gave Catherine Jim's room number in the step down unit. Gil followed her as she headed for the floor. The nurse at the desk explained that Jim could have two visitors but they could only stay a few minutes. After locating his room, they stepped in.

Jim was sleeping. Gil looked from one friend to the other and knew that he wasn't needed right now. Putting his hand on Jim's shoulder, he whispered gently, "hang in their buddy. I'll see you later." Then turning to Catherine, he smiled. "Call me if you need me. But right now, I think you just need to be with him, so I'll leave you two alone."

Catherine smiled in appreciation and nodded. She was afraid to speak; tears were threatening to flood. Tenderly, Gil touched her cheek and then left.

Catherine pulled a chair close to the bed and sat. She sought and found Jim's hand under the covers. As she took possession, she detected a small smile at the corner of his lips and then he moaned. His eyes opened slightly, finding her. "Hey," he said hoarsly.

"Hey yourself," she smiled, her hand squeezing his.

Weakly he returned her squeeze. "You're still here."

"I told you I would be. I keep my word, Jim. Besides, I need to be here...for me. I need to see you, see that you are okay. Why do you keep doubting that I am here for you?"

Jim sighed."I'm kind of a mess right now. And now I have this hole in my head. I'm not much of a prize," he said forlornly.

Reaching for his face, she held his cheek in her hand. She felt him relax and take comfort from her. "It's only little hole," she said. "And the doctor promised that not too much of your brains leaked out." He sighed, resting his face more into her hand, relishing her touch. "Yeah, but I didn't have much to begin with." His mouth hinted at a grin but he was still too drugged to show much expression. After a minute, his hand found hers and he pulled it to his lips, gently kissing it. Then wrapping his fingers around hers, he pulled her hand to his chest, placing it over his heart. Under his heavy lids, his eyes were watching her, content with the view.

Catherine watched as he drifted back to sleep. His hand still held hers but slowly his grip relaxed. Eventually she was able to withdraw her hand and settle back into her chair. She was expecting the nurse to come chase her out, but the nurse never came. Determined to stay as long as she could, Catherine was grateful that the nurse hadn't appeared.

He woke again later, a little more alert. His smile was stronger, more like his usual grin. "I missed you."

Catherine looked at him, surprised. "You missed me?"

"Yeah, while I was asleep. I know you were here, but ...I couldn't see you." He shrugged and smirked. "So, I missed you."

"What did I do?" he asked.

"Do? What?"

"What did I do...that you care so much? About me, I mean."

A lusty smile formed on her mouth as her face took on a seductive expression. "You danced with me."

Danced? ME?" She chuckled as his voice cracked and he looked surprised.

"Yeah," she said, deliberately enticing. "You're a good dancer," she continued, licking her lips. "A very good dancer."

He studied her face, looking for the punchline. But none came. "It's a joke, right?"

"No, you really are a good dancer. I didn't know it until that night."

"So...ya gonna tell me about it?"

"You should really be getting some rest. I shouldn't keep you awake."

"Consider it a bedtime story. I want to hear it." Anticipation was all over his face, along with curiousity.

"Okay. Well, we were all going to check out a new club just off the strip. It was a Friday night and everyone was there; you, me, GIl, Warrick, Nick, Sara, Sophia, and Greg. I was dancing with some of the guys and then suddenly, you asked me to dance. And...it was very...sensual. We danced through two songs and I was on fire by the time we sat down. You watched as I danced with the other guys. You danced with Sara and Sophia and then sat watching me again. They played a Salsa number and we danced to that. After it ended, we went outside for air...and we were talking and ... I just had to kiss you."

"You kissed me?"

"Yeah, you seemed like you weren't going to kiss me...so I decided to kiss you. And then I asked you to take me home.You drove and I, um..."

Jim eyed her with fascination. "You what?" He smirked.

"I...molested you." She was looking seductively demure.

"Molested?" He was grinning now, intrigued. "How?"

"Well...um, in the car I, um...well, I did this." Putting her hand on his thigh, she repeated some of the motion from that night, her hand moving over the blanket,dangerously close to his jewels. Jim's eyes grew wide with surprise and then mischief. "And then," she continued, "after we got inside the house...I did this." She bent over him, kissing him passionately. "And then" she said after the kiss, we went to my room and I did..."

"Catherine?"

Sparkling eyes taunted him. "Jim?"

"Um, maybe you'd just better tell me. I...we..." he looked around the room. "This isn't exactly the place..."

"Oh...yeah, right. Well, we...hmmmmm. We made love." A blush crept up her face and she took on a carnal expression. "Oh god...did we...you were...fantastic. Both times."

Jim stared at her in disbelief. "Both times?" he asked incredulously.

"Yeah," she smiled appreciatively. She shifted in her chair, her arousal obvious.

Teasing her, he asked, "do you need a cold shower?"

Her lustful eyes looked into his. "I need you."

Jim felt a warm rush spread through his body. Wanting what she was offering, he wished he could respond. There was no mistaking her meaning and it left him breathless. Finding his voice, he chuckled and simply said, "If no other memories come back, I hope that one does. It, um...sounds like a really good memory."

Eyes twinkling, she nodded. "Oh, a very good memory..."

He fell silent, tranquility washing through him. She did care about him, love him. And somewhere deep within his being, he knew he loved her too. At that moment, it was all that he needed. He might not have his memory, but he had her her and that was enough.

"Thank you," he said softly.

She gazed into halcyon blue eyes. "You're welcome, but for what?"

Shyness overtook him. "Being here, telling me about that night...loving me."

Gingerly she took his hand in hers. "Loving you, being loved by you...it's...magical," she smiled wistfully.

Bewildered, he smiled pensively. "It has to be magic, Catherine...for you to ..."

Her fingers over his lips silenced him. "Don't say it...don't even think it. You've been there for me in ways that no one else ever has. It is magical and you are the wizard behind it."

His brow furrowed as his expression grew serious. "You were weraing...dark pants...and a blue top, a sweater? And your cheeks were flushed. Your expression was...very exotic and erotic. We were dancing...you dipped. "

Happily she exclaimed, you remember!"

"Not ...much. Like a snapshot, just a quick impression. But I remember how you looked. Was it that night?"

"Yeah," she smiled. "You kissed me when I dipped. You leaned over and kissed me."

The nurse entered the room and scowled at Catherine. "You are still here. I thought you left a long time ago."

Catherine looked at Jim, who was glaring at the nurse. "I should go and let you rest," she said to him. "I'll be back in the morning."

He looked at her sadly. "Okay. But do me a favor when you come back...bring me some more memories?"

"I will but we can do better than that. We'll make some new ones," she promised as she kissed him good night.. He watched her as she walked out of the room, tired but happy.

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Hopefully Jim seems more like himself now:-) Let me know what you think...please.


	6. Chapter 6

Early in the morning, two attendants had come to take Jim back to his room on the medical floor. He was happy to be out of ICU; it meant progress. Once he was settled back in his regular room, he noticed the photo album that Catherine had left. Resting it in his lap, he begn to flip through it. The first page had some pictures of some boys. They looked like they were having a good time; they all were holding hockey sticks and gloves. and had their arms around one another. He thought he could pick out which one was him. He read the caption and confirmed which boy was him, but the other names didn't feel familiar at all. Turning the page, there was a picture of what must have been his family at Christmas. Apparently he had siblings, although everyone was a stranger to him. He and the girl, his sister he assumed, looked like they might be close. The next page had him in a Marine uniform. He was looking very young and very buff. Jim looked from the picture to his view of himself, lengthwise. A little of that muscle remained anyway, he thought to himself as he smirked. "I was a pretty good looking kid," he said to the empty room.

Turning the page again, he found a picture with him and some other Marines. It was a photo of his unit in Vietnam, said the caption. He ran his fingers over the faces of each young man, thinking that one should be able to remeber the names of the guys you survive a war with. No names came to mind, however.

The next page had a beautiful girl on it. "Nancy," he read outloud. He tried ot think about Nancy, but again...a blank. She had a sweet face and was all smiles. The next page told him who she was in his life. It was a wedding photo of the two of them. They looked like a happy couple. But if he was married, where was she? Why was he with Catherine now?

A few pages later there was picture of him in a police uniform. He looked very proud of himself in the picture. It must have been when he was first starting because there was no sign of rank and he still looked very young. He was staring at the photo when Gil walked into the room.

"Good morning," he said with a smile.

Jim looked up and smiled back. "Yeah...hey, Catherine brought this photo album and I've been looking at it. Can you help me with any of this?"

Gil walked over and peeked at the picture he was looking at. "That must've been when you were staring out in New Jersey."

"I was in New Jersey?"

"Yeah, Newark. You started as a patrolman and worked your way up into the detective ranks. Apparently you built quite a reputation back there."

"How?"

"Well, you worked vice for awhile and also homicide. You told me once that the vice squad was pretty dirty and you helped clean it up. You talked about how tough it was though because not only did you have to convince the criminals that you were dirty, you had to convince your fellow cops. And all the while, you managed to stay relatively clean."

"Relatively?"

"Yeah...you didn't elaborate much on that but you said you'd do things like hire a hooker for the night and sit in the hotel room with her and watch hockey. You'd buy coke and slip sugar into the packet and sit there with others snorting sugar. Said it really burned your nose. You became a master of deception."

"Wow. So I...busted some of my brothers in blue, huh?"

"Yeah. Apparently that really got to you because it wasn't long after that you moved here."

Jim flipped back to the wedding picture. "And her...where is she?"

"Back in New Jersey, last you said anything. Between the job and the rest of life, you split. You've never really talked to me much about it. I think maybe Catherine knows more about it than I do. I do know it tore you up pretty bad."

Looking at the picture, Jim grew sad. "I think I would have liked being married."

"You told me once that you did. That it was nice having someone to come home to...having someone that you knew would cry at your funeral. But then things got where you didn't want to go home...that's all I can add though."

"I wonder what I did...to break us up, I mean."

"You were a cop, Jim...there's nothing wrong with that," Catherine joined in from the doorway.

"You know about ...Nancy?"

Catherine walked toward him and looked at the picture. "You've told me some of it. There's stuff you wouldn't tell me, however. I think you were protecting her still, even after all this time."

"So, what can you tell me?"

" The life of being the wife of a cop got to her and she cheated on you...with other cops."

Jim's eyebrows lifted almost to the top of his forehead as he sighed deeply. "She cheated..."

"Yeah. When you found out, you said it almost killed you. But you still wanted to try to work things out. She agreed to give it a try. And then she did it again. That time, you turned to a fellow detective, Annie somebody, and had an affair. It was about then that you started the vice investigation. You were out a lot of nights and she had other men in. You told me it just about crushed you. When the investigation ended so did your marraige. You tried to stay in Newark, but you were looking for answers in a bottle and drowning. So, you gave up the heavy drinking, packed your bags, and headed to Vegas for a fresh start."

Catherine and Gil both grew concerned as they saw total despair wash across his face. His eyes went dark and he slumped in the bed. "I guess me being married wasn't such a good idea after all."

"Jim," Catherine said, "I'm sure things got pretty screwed up there in the end and that you made your share of mistakes. But before, early on and even after you found out what she was doing, you were trying and I know you were a good husband. I know it as well as I know that I love you. It's the kind of man you are; you would've done everything you could possibly do and you wouldn't have given up easily." Jim listened, sadness radiating from him. "You talk now like you hate her but the way you talk about those years, I think there is a part of you that still loves her, regrets that it couldn't be worked out."

"I feel regret and I don't even remember any of it. Thanks though, for filling me in."

"I'm not sure it was a good idea, Jim," said Gil.

"It's a part of me...part of who I hope to eventually remember. I needed to know."

Eyeing his friend with concern, Gil told them that he was still working, even though his shift was over. There was an active case that he had to get back to. He'd just wanted to check on Jim. "I'll stop by again later," he promised before he left.

Catherine leaned in and kissed Jim, wholeheartedly. "Thought he's never leave," she whipsered and smiled.

Jim attempted a smile but it was a weak one. "Yeah..."

Catherine took the photo album from him. "Maybe this wasn't such a good idea. It's made you so sad..." she said as she laid it on the table.

"Yeah...but I'm better now that you are here." He seemed to be perking up a little, Catherine thought. "I dreamed about you last night."

"Oh yeah," she grinned. "Was it good?"

"It was...about that night. I don't know if it was just a dream or if it really happened, but yeah," he grinned saliciously, "it was very good."

"Oh," she smiled, "then it must have really happened. That was a very good night." She took his hand in hers and held it tightly. "I love you, Jim Brass."

Tears formed in his eyes as he looked into hers. "I know. And right now...it's what I'm holding onto. Please Catherine, don't give up on me?"

She ran her hand over the side of his head and then down the side of his face, smiling, tears in her own eyes. "Never."

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Still on track?


	7. Chapter 7

"Mr. Brass?" A male voice called from the doorway, waking Jim from his doze.

"Yes...come in," answered Jim.

A young man entered, smiling. "I'm Steve, your physical therapist. Dr. Evans wanted me to stop in and get you started on getting up and moving around."

"Okay..." said Jim, still groggy.

"Do you have any slippers or shoes here?"

"I dunno...I don't remember."

Steve looked in the closet but there were no clothes. "Okay, well...we'll get someone to bring you some, but for today I have some of the lovely hospital socks. They have treads on the bottom but we'll still need to be careful. No good you slipping," the man smiled.

"Yeah...I get that," Jim grimmaced at the thought.

Steve put a therapy belt around Jim, explaining that it would help him support Jim as he began to get up. Once everything was in place, Steve instructed Jim on how to stand. Shakily he began to rise, Steve holding him with the belt. Once he was upright, he stood in place, feeling good about being out of the bed.

"Great," said Steve. "Ready to try a couple of steps?"

"Yeah," Jim replied weakly. He wanted to walk around but his legs, especially the wounded one felt very weak. Again, Steve gave him instructions and they began to move. He took four steps and Steve stopped him. "Okay, that's good for now. I can feel your bad leg giving out, so we're going to get you back in bed."

"Yeah, okay," said Jim, hurting and out of breath.

Steve manuevered him back to the bed, helped him sit and then helped get his legs back in the bed. Once Jim was all settled, Steve told Jim that he would be back in the afternoon to help Jim get up and sit in the chair for awhile. "We don't want you growing roots in that bed," Steve concluded.

Jim was clearly excited to see Catherine when she came in a little later. She looked at him curiously, wondering what mischief he had created. He had that look about him. "Okay, what'd you do Jim, pinch a nurse? "

He chuckled. "No, but it is something to think about. There is a really cute one that is here overnight."

"So...then, what?"

Smiling smugly he replied, "I walked."

"How did it go?"

"Great. I took four baby steps with Steve, he's the therapist, helping me. Then we scooted back and he put me to bed. My head hurts, my leg hurts, and I was exhausted...but I got out of bed. Progress, right?"

Catherine smiled at him. "Yeah. That's great. But do you need something for the pain?"

"No, I'll be okay. He's coming by this afternoon to help me sit in the chair. I don't want to be too knocked out. Oh, and he said I need some shoes. Could you do me a fvor and go by my place and find some shoes for me...and socks too, I guess."

"Sure. I get to go through your drawers, huh?" She cooed suggestively.

Catching her double meaning, he chuckled. "Honey, you can play in my drawers anytime..."

"You keep working with Steve and we'll get you out of that bed and into mine. I'll take you up on that offer."

Catherine watched as a huge grin grew on his face. _He looks like a kid in a candy shop,_ she thought. She expressed that thought to him.

He looked at her with his soft blue eyes, excitement and happiness flowing from him. "Babe, why wouldn't I be happy? You're the candy shop..."

She laughed at his comment. "You are feeling better, aren't you?"

She sat with him awhile until he began to doze. Catheirne decided to let him get in a nap and she'd go get his shoes for him. Telling him where she was going, she kissed him and then left to run her errand.

Steve came in the afternoon, as promised. He helped Jim stand and they inched to the chair. Easing Jim into the chair, Steve smiled. ""You seemed a little more balanced that time. How did it feel?"

"Better," Jim replied.

"Okay, well I'm going to work with a patient down the hall. I'll be back in about a half hour." He handed Jim the call button. "Use this if you need anything before that." Jim took the button and nodded.

A few minutes later, Catherine returned from her errand. She had a bag with his shoes in it and another small paper bag. Seeing him in the chair, her face lit up. "Look at you," she exclaimed.

He grinned at her."Yeah, it feels good."

"Steve helped you?"

"He did. He's coming back in a few minutes to help me back to bed."

"Oh...good. I brought your shoes, so maybe it will get easier."

"Thanks," he said eyeing the bag.

"And since you are doing so well, I think you deserve a reward."

"A reward? Really?" Happiness washed over his face. His eyes twinkled with a sense of mischief as they surveryed her. "Bring it on."

Handing him the small bag, she informed him that the nurse had okayed it. Looking confused, he opened the bag gingerly and peered in. "A donut?"

"Yeah. I thought you might enjoy one."

"Why?"

"Jim, if there is a donut shop within a mile of a crime scene, you are there. We all decided long ago that you started the myth about cops and donuts."

"I like donuts?" he was looking disappointed.

"Jim, what's wrong?"

He shrugged. "Nothing.I just was hoping for a different reward."

"Oh...what?"

The twinkle returned. "A kiss?" He was grinning shyly at her.

A smile spread on her face as she leaned toward him. Their lips touched and he responded whole heartedly. What had been intended as a friendly kiss by Catherine quickly turned into a very amorous one. She felt him shiver as she released a small, lusty sigh. Pulling away, she took a deep breath. She could see that he was recovering his composure as well. Slowly his eyes made their way to hers. So many things showed in his expression; happiness, trust, need, but most of all, peace. She hadn't seen him so serene since the blast. "where did that come from?" she asked.

"Inside me. I...needed to kiss you , Catherine." His eyes glanced away, his expression becoming sheepish. Finally he looked at her again, meekly. "You, the possibility of us...it's what I'm fighting for. Even though there isn't much of me in the us right now."

"Good," she said warmly. "You keep fighting." Her hand was on his face, her fingers gently rubbing his jawline and behind his ear. "Because it's what I want too." Sitting on the edge of the bed, she grew more serious. "Jim, you haven't rtemembered anything else?"

He expression became one of concentration as he considered her question. "No...well, maybe. Last night I had a dream and it's all fuzzy in my mind. But I think there was a little girl and laughter, child's laughter. But I can't tell you what the girl looked like."

Catherine started to speak and then paused. Then she reached for the photo album and flipped through it until she found a picture of a child. "Was it this little girl?" she asked as she showed him the page.

He looked, frowning with concentration. "I think so, but like I said...it was all fuzzy. Who is that girl?"

Catherine hesitated. She didn't really want to get into Ellie, but since he was asking, she had to answer. "That's your daughter."

His head came up and he looked into her face. "I have a daughter?"

"Yeah, her name is Ellie. She's grown now."

"Where is she? Is she here?" Jim was excited and anxious at the same time. If he had a child, why wasn't she here with him?

Catherine could see his excitement. "No, I think she is still in L.A. "

"What's she like? Have you met her?"

"Briefly, when you were in the hospital before, she came. But we didn't really get a chance to talk much. It was all pretty crazy and stressful. I think Gil talked with her a little, and maybe Warrick. She's a pretty girl." Catherine was trying to not let her own stress show. Any discussion of Ellie would be disasterous as far as she was concerned.

Jim studied her face intently. His eyes traveled over her, his eyes narrowing in thought. Catherine watched as different expressions played across him, finally settling on something between distrust and questioning. "What are you not telling me, Catherine?"

She knew that above all, Jim valued honesty in others. She had to be truthful or lose his trust. "There's not a lot I can tell you about her Jim, except that the two of you are barely speaking. After she left the hospital the last time, she went back to L.A. and it was months before you talked. She's been in some trouble in the past and you've done everything you could to help her. But I don't know the whole story."

"Is that why she's not here this time?"

"She's not here because we didn't call her. Your life wasn't in danger and we didn't want you upset. We were afraid that she would come and upset you."

"Who's we?"

"Gil and I."

"Does Gil know the whole story?"

"He knows more than I do, but I don't know if he knows everything. You have never talked much about her."

Jim sat quietly, absorbing the new information. After a few minutes, he looked at her solemnly. "I wonder what happened between us?"

"I don't know Jim. But I do know that you love her and you've risked your job twice to help her...almost got yourself killed the first time. You are good with kids; I've seen it when we've worked cases with kids. So, I think you were probably a good father. But I don't know what's between the two of you."

Jim looked back at the picture of the little girl. He ran his fingers over her face and repeated her name, "Ellie."

He said it with such reverence and tenderness that it brought tears to Catherine's eyes. Even though his mind couldn't remember her, it was clear that Jim Brass loved his daughter. The tenderness in his voice and his wistful expression revelaed what was in his heart. As Catherine gazed at him, she wondered how they were going to tell him the whole truth about Ellie. Or would he remember it first?

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As requested, there is more:-) I have plenty more...should I keep going? I really do appreciate the input. Sometimes it is hard to keep coming up with stuff. Reviews make it worth the effort.


	8. Chapter 8

He walked into the apartment to find a uniform standing over the body of a dead girl. The officer's agitation was obvious; he was looking a little green, like he was about to hurl. "Go get some air," the he told the young cop. Squatting next to the body, he studied the face of the victim. His heart wrenched as he recognized the face, the face of Ellie...

Letting out a loud cry of anguish, Jim Brass bolted upright in his bed. His eyes were wide open, focused in terror. The nurse came running in, responding to his outcry. She found him shaking and weeping. "Ellie," he moaned.

"Mr. Brass...what is it?"

Jim looked at her absently. He was still wrappped in the terror of his nightmare. Tears were flowing down his face as he cried over the loss of a face for which he had no previous memory.

"Must've had a nightmare," reflected the nurse.

"Ah...yeah, I guess so," said Jim as he began to compose himself. "It was just...very real."

"Do you think it was a memory resurfacing?"

Jim thought about it for a moment. Shaking his head he replied, "no, I mean...it's not something that has happened. Maybe an old nightmare?"

"Are you going to be alright or is there someone I can call for you? "

"No...I'll be okay. But thanks."

The nurse left. Jim sat, alone in his bed, replaying the dream in his mind, trying to remember the person whose face was at the center of his dream. No image would come except the one from the dream. It was a long night for Jim Brass.

As was becoming his habit, Gil Grissom stopped by the hospital on his way home after work. He found Jim sitting upright in his bed, thumbing through the photo album. Jim glanced up as his friend entered. "Hey," he said.

Gil nodded and then edged up beside Jim, looking at the open page. It was a picture of Ellie. " Catherine said you were asking about Ellie," he commented.

"Yeah...and I had a dream about her last night. Well, really more of a nightmare," Jim replied pensively.

Gil studied his friend, a worried expression growing on his face.

Jim looked up and asked,"tell me what you know about her?"

Pursing his lips and furrowing his brow in thought, Gil decided to comply but that he would leave out the part of the girl's true parentage. . Jim seemed to need to know about his daughter and Gil just hoped he was ready for the truth. "Well, most of what I know is what you've told me. I did meet her when she came last year, but I was out of town when she was in Vegas a few years ago."

"So...tell me what I've told you about her."

"Apparently the two of you were very close when she was little. After you found out about her mother's affairs, you poured yourself into your job, leaving less time to spend with Ellie. You told me that it just seemd easier on everyone if you spent most of your time at work. Somewhere in that time was when you got involved in the investigation of the vice squad. So, you were away even more and at odd times. After that was concluded and you had discovered that your ex was playing around again, you moved out. Things got pretty rough on the job because you had sent several cops to prison and things were worsening on the home front, so you decided to leave. I remember that when you first came here, you flew back to Jersey pretty regularly to visit Ellie. Then the trips became less and less frequent and you usually came back in a bad mood. You told me that Ellie was blaming you for everything that had gone wrong. You didn't want to tell her what her mother had done and possibly create a situation there, so you never set her straight." Gil paused to let Jim absorb the story so far. Jim seemed to be studying the threads of his blanket, his eyebrows working up and down as he was thinking.

After a couple of minutes, Gil continued. "Like I said, I was out of town when she showed up in Vegas. I knew she had graduated high school...you had gone back to Jersey for the occassion. Apparently she was here with a boyfriend and they were moving and dealing drugs." Gil paused again, trying to gage Jim's reaction.

Jim groaned and his fingers began to twist in the fabric. His jaw clenched briefly and then he let out a sigh. "She was...dealing?" Jim looked anguished.

"Apparently. And somehow they got entangled in a murder. Warrick ran the case for CSI. I remember reading the report, but it's been a few years. I don't remember the details. You went to her place to try to talk to her and the boyfriend hit you on the head, knocking you out. Their partner was in the other room and he took your gun and shot the boyfriend. Then he put the gun in your hand, trying to frame you. Warrick and Nick figured it out, though and they caught the guy. There was no proof of Ellie's involvement in any of it, so she was released. She told you that she was headed back to her mother's, but she went to L.A. instead."

"Why didn't I try to help her?"

"Jim, you chased down the boyfriend, had him hauled in for questioning, went to talk to her, got knocked out, framed for murder, and almost got fired over the whole thing. I think you did all that you could. In the end, she was the one who decided to run with those guys and she decided to lie to you about where she was headed."

L.A., huh? What's she doing there...running a pharmacy?" His sadness and disgust was palatable.

"You went out there a couple of years ago to try to help her again. Her friend was murdered and you were afraid for Ellie. Brian almost fired you again."

"Seems like people around her keep ending up dead? So what's she doing that all this bad stuff happens?"

Gil sighed. He wasn't sure that he wanted to tell Brass about his daughter's profession, or what she does to survive it. Jim's glare demanded the truth. "Jim," he sighed again, "she's still into drugs and...she's a ...hooker."

Jim closed his eyes as sadness and despair washed through him in waves. "High class or common street variety?" he finally asked, not sure he wanted to know anymore.

"She works the streets. You actually watched her work a corner one night." Gil was hurting for his friend.

"What did I do that screwed my daughter up so much?" Tears were slowly rollong down his face.

"Jim, I think you did the best you could do. Her mother was, well...not a very good role model, apparently. You were coping with her behavior the best you could. Unfortunately, Ellie suffered."

"Yeah..." he said sarcastically. "Paying the price for her parent's screwups."

"Jim, you've tried to help her, offered to pay for drug treatment and rehab, asked her to stay with you...she is chosing this behavior. You can't take responsibility for it." Gil could see that Jim was silently chastising himself. "One thing she did tell me when she was here...she thinks it is only the sweet little girl that you love, not the difficult young woman that she has become."

Jim looked at Gil miserably."I don't remember either of them..."

"You said you had a dream about her?"

"Yeah...there was a young officer standing over a body. I looked at the face and it was Ellie."

"You told me once that was your worst fear...that one day you's get a call from LAPD telling you that she'd been murdered."

"Guess last night it came through in the nightmare," shrugged Jim. Looking at his friend, his tone changed. "Gil, can you get in touch with her?"

"I have a phone number for her..."

"Would you call her...ask her to come?"

His request made Gil uneasy. But looking at Jim s face, Gil knew he would do it. "Okay. But I dont know if she will or not."

"Yeah...okay, but you'll try?"

"Yeah, I'll give her a call," he promised.

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	9. Chapter 9

Steve came in and gave Jim a workout, massaging and exercising his leg with him still in the bed. Then he got Jim up and standing with a walker. After making the few steps with the walker from the bed to the chair, Jim had been relieved that Steve wanted him to sit up awhile. His leg was throbbing and resting in the chair was just what he needed. Once Jim was settled in the chair, Steve moved onto the next patient, assuring the current one that he'd be back.

Jim sat, looking out of the window, thinking. It had been two days since Gil had called Ellie. Catherine had been upset, saying that Ellie never missed a chance to hurt him. Gil was agitated about it too. He had explained Jim's situation to Ellie and her response had been brutal. Gil didn't share everything about the conversation with Jim, but Jim heard enough to know his daughter didn't care. As he contemplated that reality, his shoulders slumped and and he sagged in the chair. For the first time since he woke up without any memory, he was glad he couldn't remember. What kind of man was he that his daughter hated him? What had he done to her? He was sure that he didn't want to know.

Unseen by Jim, Catherine was standing in the doorway watching his body language. His pain tore at her heart. She knew he was beating himself up inside over Ellie and she also knew that it was not deserved. Walking to his side, she leaned over and hugged him, putting her head on his shoulder, her lips next to his ear. "It's good to see you up", she said.

He smirked and patted her hand that had settled over his heart. Then he held it, sighing. "I was thinking about Eliie."

"I could tell. Look Jim, I don't know the whole story. But I do know what kind of man you are. You would have done anything for your family. Whatever her problem is with you, she's being unfair. There's no such thing as a perfect parent, but I'm sure you did the best you knew how to do."

"Yeah," he said quietly. He closed his eyes as an image flashed through his mind. His face tightened as he tried to mentally grasp it, but then it was gone. Sighing in frustration, he shook his head.

"Jim?"

"I thought I remembered something...but it's gone."

"Really?"

"Yeah...a young woman...maybe Ellie. And we were talking. I think I was saying that to her...you know, that I did my best." He tilted his head slightly, his eyes squinting, trying to force the memory to come back. "I think I was crying..."

"Anything else...what did she look like, Jim?"

His eyes narrowed in thought. "Too much make up. And...her clothes, skimpy... She ...she was angry. I think I was too, angry and sad. But it's fuzzy. I can't quite get my mind around it."

"But it's another memory ... things are starting to come back," she said, trying to sound positive.

"Yeah...another memory." He looked into her blue eyes, marvelling at the way she was sticking with him. Swallowing, he felt his heart beating and his chest hurt for lack of air. She had done it again; she had taken his breath away. "I must've done something right...you're here," he smiled.

Her eyes glistened as she gazed into his. "As far as I'm concerned, you've done everything right. And I refuse to believe anything less about you, Jim. You have a good heart and a gentle soul and I thank my lucky stars everyday that you love me."

"I'm not so sure about all of that," he said, embarrassment playing over his features. "But you do have that one part right...I love you."

She kissed him. It began as a reassuring, comforting kiss but it was Jim who escalated the warmth into passion. Steve walked into the room and witnessed Jim's enthusiam. "We need to get you well enough to go home, Jim. Hospital rules don't allow that, you know..."

Catherine backed away, chuckling at Jim who looked totally abashed. His ears were turning red as embarrassment flushed through his face. "Yeah, well...when a beautiful lady kisses you, you gotta give in to it," he smiled meekly.

"Doc says I'm to get you where you can manage on a walker and then he's kicking you out of here. Says he needs this bed for sick people."

Catherine was beaming but Jim looked nervous. "I, um...what about my head?"

"Doc says you might remember quicker if you are in your own home and around your own stuff."

"Makes sense," said Catherine.

"Yeah," agreed Jim, consternation on his face. "I just wish I could have selective memory."

Catherine thought for a moment. "Tell ya what...let's get you out of here and all better. Then you and I will go to L.A. and talk to her. Okay?"

Jim looked distant as he considered her suggestion. "Yeah, I like the sound of that..." he said as he ventured off into deep thought.

Steve looked from Jim to Catherine and then back to Jim. "I'll come back in a few minutes to help Jim into bed," he said as he turned to leave the two alone.

Catherine held Jim's hand. She was at a loss about how to help him. As if he read her mind, his eyes came back into focus and he looked at her. "This is something I can't really explain in a way that you'd understand...this total lack of memory; how it feels. But having you here...it helps. I think I would have gone crazy by now if you hadn't been here."

"You're going to get through this, Jim...we're going to get through it together."

He took comfort in her words and sat, gazing at her; mystified but happy, he knew that no matter what his past had been, he had a beautiful future with her.

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Still good? Too happy? Too sad? Just right? Input, please.


	10. Chapter 10

It was three weeks after his release from the hospital before the doctor would okay a trip to L.A. In the meantime, more small flashes of memory had worked their way back. Jim had a vivid dream about Ellie as a small child, triggering a flood of memories of that time. Catherine had sat with him as he sobbed through them, sharing every detail that he could remember, hoping for more. He had also remembered Catherine, at least some of their history. There were still gaps. He couldn't remember being shot and the aftermath, but he remembered Lindsey's birthday party when she turned twelve. The name Bell meant nothing to him, but he remembered all three cases involving Lady Heather. His shrink said that his memories were coming back as he could handle them...the mind protecting itself after everything that Jim had been through the last few years. Little by little the bad stuff was working its way in between the good memories.

The night after the doctor okayed his trip, Catherine stayed at Jim's. The doctor had okayed other activities as well. Catherine was amused by Jim's sudden shyness. His flirting and teasing had grown more and more blatant after his release from the hospital, but suddenly he was self conscious.

They had dinner and then Catherine had kissed him over the dishes. He knew what was coming, why she was there. Fear was threatening to overcome him, however. What if he couldn't... He wondered what the lingering effects of his last trip to the hospital would be. And he was still amazed that this beautiful woman wanted him. Now they were on his couch, some old movie on tv and Catherine looking at him like he was dessert. He had his arm around her and things felt good, except that butterflies were having an argument in his gut and his blood was racing through his veins. His heart was pounding in his ears and the temperature in his house had suddenly shot up to a thousand degrees. She was looking at him again...that look, the one that said she was about to devour him. _Come on, Brass...be a man..._ he thought to himself. Then he dove in.

His kiss was firm and hot, very hot and Catherine was into it immediately. Her hunger was threatening to consume her. She wanted what he had to offer and had waited patiently for all those weeks. But her patience had run out that afternoon in the doctor's office. She'd thought of nothing else all afternoon and evening, just the memory of his down covered chest and her hands on it, his kisses and nibbles as he explored her, the feel of his skin next to hers, and the unbelievable high that followed.

Her skin felt so smooth beneath his fingers; her scent filled him sending tingles through his nerves. Her small gasps and moans thrilled him and the sight of her, looking at him like that, was joy. And then there was her taste...oh how he loved her taste, her lips, her mouth, the little place near her ear, her neck... As he nibbled and savored, he kept thinking how gorgeous she was, how even her imperfections blended together to create beauty, how astonishing it was that she was here with him, and how she had been there for him through the last few weeks. A myriad of emotions ran through him from delight and wonder to love and thankfullness. "Oh god..." he moaned as he made his way around her body, a tremor running through him as all of the emotions assaulted him at once.

"Jim?"Catherine asked, concerned with the emotion in his voice and the tremor that she felt run through him. "You okay?"

He paused, looking into her eyes. "You amaze me..." he whispered in a husky, awe filled voice. "God Catherine, what you do to a man..."

"Is it a good thing? ...what I do to you, I mean?"

"Oh Baby, yes...jeez, I'm on fire. And when I look at you...and I see fire in you too..." he buried his face in her neck. "It must be a dream... I'm not this lucky...never in a million years could I have it this good."

"Jim," she whispered, "it's not a dream. And I am on fire and I need you to put it out. I'm flattered that you think I'm so amazing, but you are too. What you do to me when we're together... I've waited patiently for weeks but tonight, Jim...tonight I get what I want. And what I want is you."

Their love amking was tender, sweet and fevered, as well. For Catherine, it was a reward for her patience. For Jim, it was in some ways like his first time. His body remembered the sensations and what to do about them but mentally and emotionally, it was all new and mind blowing. He held her tightly in the afterglow, trembling with happiness. His body was exhausted but his mind was alert and active, recording everything that had just happened. This was one memory he was determined to keep. "I love you," he whispered to her, afraid to break the magic spell by speaking loudly.

Her fingers were playing lazily in his chest hair as her head rested over the soothing rhythm of his heart. "Mmmmmm, me too," she answered. "Jim," she said thoughtfully, "why don't you move in with me?"

Jim froze. "Move in?"

"Yeah...then we can be like this every night...or actually I guess it would be days for us since we work at night. But, we could be together like this..."

Jim wanted to say yes. He wanted so much to tell her he would move in tomorrow. But he didn't. "Do you really think that's a good idea?" he asked. "I mean, Lindsey might not understand...and I'm still not all there yet."

"What's there for her to understand? And you are all there, believe me..."

He could feel her grin as she said the last part. But he was more worried about the first. "How you gonna talk to her about boys when you've got a short, balding guy whose only half here sleeping in your bed? No...when you tell her how to behave with her hormone driven, sex crazed male classmates, you don't need a sex crazed old guy drooling over you at the same time. No...it's not right for you or for her to have me around like that."

"Jim, I didn't realize that you are so old fashioned."

"It's not old fashioned. It's sensible."

"Okay," she said, disappointment in her tone. "But we're having lots of sleep overs..."

Jim chuckled. "Okay, I'll be sure to get some new jammies..."

"Oh...don't bother. You wouldn't be wearing them very long anyway."

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	11. Chapter 11

Jim and Catherine set out for Los Angeles the next day. Jim insisted on driving and Catherine relented, thinking that it might help him keep his mind off of Ellie so much. They had to stop frequently for Jim to get out and walk around; doctor's orders and Catherine wouldn't give in on that. The last thing Jim needed was another stay in the hospital or worse. Catherine couldn't even think about the worse. Besides, they don't make hospital beds for two, she thought.

Glancing at him sideways, her thoughts went to the night before. The sex was great, but the intimacy was even better. The way he held her and talked to her; his touch, so loving and tender; his need to fulfill her needs...she knew that only the very lucky ones get a chance at a relationship like that and this morning she was feeling very lucky. All of her life she'd gone for the wrapping on the package and found the contents lacking, disappointing in some big ways. But with Jim, the wrapping was a little beaten and worn, showing signs of aging; but the insides lacked nothing, no disappointments there. This was a man who knew how to love, even though he had no memory of it. It was an instinct with him, she decided.

Jim felt her glances and wondered what she was thinking about so seriously. He was still floating on the euphoria of the previous night. God, what that woman can do to a man...for a man, he thought. A brief thought flashed through his mind as he wondered how many men she had done that for, but he dismissed it. Doesn't matter, he thought to himself, she's with me now and I don't intend to let her slip away. He reached over to take her hand in his, needing the physical connection. This journey was frighteneing for him but with her next to him, he knew he'd make it okay.

She held his hand, using her other hand to gently stoke his fingers, hoping that simple motion would tell him what she was feeling. Letting the warmth of her love flow through her fingertips, something else began to grow inside of her. Glancing over at his lap, she wondered what he was feeling. As her fingers continued to stroke his hand, she was wishing that she could move closer. The urge to touch him was building and it was logical to assume that once she was able to satisfy that urge, other urges would follow. She looked at his profile and began to wonder just how important it was to him to make LA today. It could wait another day, she thought, and there were plenty of motels along the route.

Sensing her restlessness, Jim glanced at her and smiled. It was then that he saw the nature of her restlessness. That knowledge sent a bolt of electricity through him and suddenly driving was very difficult...or concentrating on driving to be more precise. Finally he broke the silent, charged currents between them. "Ah...I think I need to pull over for awhile...and,um..."

Picking up on his thought, she pounced, "Rest? I think there's a motel just ahead. I saw a sign back there..."

A subtle grin inched its way onto his face. "A motel?"

"Yeah, so you can ...um, rest, you know...take a nap, if you need to." She was looking at him eagerly now, desire in her eyes.

Jim smiled. "Honey, the way you been looking at me that past few minutes, a nap is not at all what I need. But the motel is a good idea...I'm too old for the backseat anymore."

Catherine chuckled at his last comment. "Me too...I gave that up when I graduated high school."

Jim glanced at her, smirking. "You'll...ah, have to share some of your backseat stories with me, since right now I don't remember my own." Just then he spotted the motel she had spoken of. It wasn't too bad, he decided and pulled in. "You sure?" he asked considerately.

"Oh yeah..." she said hungrily.

Later, after they were spent, she laid with her head on his chest listening to his heartbeat. She loved the sound of his rhythm, so strong and regular and comforting to her. He was gently stroking her arm, occassionally kissing her head or murmuring soft, loving thoughts to her. "Jim?"

"Hmmm?" he answered lethargically.

"What's our room number?"

"Huh? Oh, ah... 159. Why?"

"Just want to know the room number for heaven," she answered contentedly.

"It's not a room, Catherine. For me, it's you. Anywhere you are, if I'm with you... I'm in heaven. "

"Yeah, me too," she said as she snuggled into him.

That afternoon, they left the room key on the table and continued the journey to LA. A few miles down the road, Jim glanced over at Catherine. "Look, it's not that I'm complaining or anything...but back there, what was that? I mean, we're riding along and suddenly you look like you're ready to devour me. Like I said, I'm not complaining," he chuckled, "but ...well, it was just a pleasant surprise, I guess." He knew he was rambling, babbling even, but he really hadn't expected their little delay.

Looking across the seat at him, she eyed him with amusement. "What can I say, Jim...I find you scrumptous. After such a long time without, well...nights like last night, I guess I'm just on a Jim binge."

"A what?"

"A Jim binge...you know, can't get enough of Jim." Her eyes were twinkling with amusement now.

His own eyes were dancing. "You make me feel like a decadent dessert...or maybe a bottle of booze."

"Oh," she smirked, "definately decadent," licking her lips.

He laughed. "You keep that up and we'll never make LA."

"How much farther?"

"Well, we just crossed into California, so about 220 miles. About three and a half hours."

"Hmmm...at least two more stops," she giggled wickedly.

Jim gave her a sideways look, trying not to grin. A chuckle errupted from deep within him, however and he reached over to grab her hand. She grasped it tightly and then smirked. "Isn't that what got you into trouble the last time?"

Still grinning, Jim replied. "Babe, if that's trouble, I'll be a very bad boy all the time..."

Her eyes travelled to his face, taking in his relaxed countenance. She felt her heart began to race as love for him welled up inside her. Her stomach began to churn as her emtions threatened to overwhelm her.

Noticing her changed demeanor, he frowned. "You okay?"

"Yeah," she replied softly. "I...um, well...it's just...I love you so much."

He looked at her with wonder, as if she had never spoken those words to him. "Then I'm a very fortunate man," he answered. "Because even though things are a mess right now, I happen to be in love with a very special and beautiful lady...and you know what? She says she loves me too... It doesn't get any better than that," he smiled.

Leaning over to him, she kissed his cheek and then whispered, "can you drive any faster? I have a big reward for you when we get to LA."

"Baby, just having you here with me, that's reward enough. "

They continued their journey, Catherine trying to keep her hands off of him. Jim had begun the trip filled with fear. Now he found himself looking forward to their destination...at least to them arriving at their destination.

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So tell me what you think. How should things go with Ellie? How do Ellie and Catherine get along? Does anybody even care?


	12. Chapter 12

They got to LA and settled at the hotel around supper time. One their bags were in their room, and Catherine had insisted on one room, they headed out for something to eat. It was a peaceful meal, without any mention of the reason for the trip. After they got back to the room, however, Jim's mood changed. He got very quiet and pensive. Catherine watched as his brows went up and down and he twisted his jaw, even chewing his lip at times.

"It's going to be okay," Catherine said to him.

"Yeah," he smiled half heartedly.

"You have her address?"

"Yeah. I found it in my desk."

"So tomorrow we go find her..."

"I gotta tell you, I'm kind of scared." he admitted.

Catherine moved behind him and began to rub his shoulders. "I know. I don't know how you are doing as well as you are, Jim. This whole thing has to be pretty scary…not remembering so many things."

"I guess I'm kind of getting used to it. I just try not to think about it. But…..having a daughter that I can't really remember… that bothers me. "

Catherine wondered how he was going to handle meeting her. Ellie wasn't going to be happy to see him. She had demonstrated her feelings when she'd shown up in Vegas after he got shot. Catherine remembered how agitated Sofia was when Ellie started inquiring about Jim's pension while he was fighting for his life. And as soon as Jim had come out of it, she disappeared. Catherine remembered the expression on his face after they had revived him when his heart stopped. He'd seen Ellie and almost looked hopeful. But she backed away and took off. Jim never said how much it hurt him, but a month later he'd asked Catherine about Ellie's visit. He didn't need to say anything; the hurt had shown in his eyes.

She wasn't sure how she was going to handle meeting Ellie either. If the girl hurt Jim again, and Catherine was certain that she would, then what? Catherine knew she's have a difficult time holding her tongue but she was also sure Jim wouldn't like her telling Ellie off. She had to admit to herself that she was nervous about this meeting too.

"Honey, let's go to bed." Catherine suggested.

"Yeah, okay. But I don't think I'm feeling up to any more…"

"I know. We'll just hold each other, okay?"

He smiled and sighed, "I'd like that."

They slept in the next morning. Jim woke up to the scent of Catherine's shampoo. Her head was resting on his chest, just below his chin. Her warm breath tickled his skin and hair, sending a pleasant sensation through him. His arm was wrapped around her and her skin felt silky beneath his fingers. The feel of her body along his side was comforting and reassuring. Contentment flowed through him as he relished the serenity of the moment.

A few minutes later Catherine began to stir. She moaned softly and stretched against him. Then her blue eyes turned toward his, lighting his morning. They stayed like that, silently communicating, uplifting, and loving one another for several minutes. He broke the silence by whispering, "I love waking up with you."

She smiled. Then she stretched up to kiss him gently. "I love _you_,"

They moved slowly as they showered and dressed. By the time they found a place to eat, it was for lunch. Then apprehensively, he pulled Ellie's address out of his pocket. He also had printed a map from his online search. With Catherine as the navigator, he drove to her building. They sat in his car for a few minutes, Jim gathering his courage. Catherine was gathering patience, knowing that she would need it. Then Jim sighed heavily, opened his car door, and climbed out. Catherine joined him in front of his car. Hand in hand, they walked into Ellie's building.

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Thank you for the reviews, especially the ones that give me ideas:-) . Please comment, good, bad, and suggestions.


	13. Chapter 13

Still hand in hand, they made their way up the steps and walked down the hall, reading the numbers on the doors. Finally they stopped in front of a door. Jim knocked. Catherine pulled her hand out of his, patting his back before assuming her professional demeanor. She didn't want to do anything to give Ellie ammunition and holding hands with her father, might do just that.

They heard sounds from inside. Jim took a deep breath and squared his shoulders. He's mentally getting ready too, Catherine thought. Finally the door opened slightly. Ellie's face appeared in the crack between the door and the jam. "Ellie?" Jim said.

She looked surprised to see him. Then she looked past him to Catherine and frowned. "I told that Grissom guy that I ddn't have anything to say to you," she said.

"Please Ellie, could we just talk?" Jim asked, pleading.

"What's she doing here?" Ellie asked, nodding toward Catherine.

"Doctor's orders. I'm not allowed out by myself yet," Jim shrugged. "This is Catherine Willows. We work together and she's ... a good friend."

Ellie rolled her eyes. "Yeah, I'll bet." Her tone was sarcastic and biting. Looking more closely she continued, "Yeah, I remember you from the last time..."

"I'm sorry we didn't get a chance to talk, Ellie. We were just all so worried about Jim."

"Yeah...like what would we have talked about?"

Jim interrupted and asked again, "Can we just...talk?"

Ellie shrugged her shoulders and turned away from the door, walking into the room and leaving the door open. Jim and Catherine followed her in. Ellie flopped down on her couch, sulking. Jim walked toward her while Catherine found a chair at the table and sat, staying back. This was between Jim and Ellie.

Eyeing her father suspiciously, Ellie asked, "So why are you here?"

"Finding a place on the end of the couch, Jim sat. "I, um...well, I don't know how much Gil told you. But I got blown up a few weeks ago. My leg is almost healed but...I got this really bad concussion and I don't remember much."

"And you think I can help you remember being blown up?" Ellie was surly.

"No, I think you can help me remember my life...at least the part of it that you were around for." Jim was looking uncomfortable.

"Well then, this won't take long," she shrugged. "You were my hero when I was little but then I grew up. You weren't around much and then you left completely. You keep sticking your nose in my business and making an ass of yourself."

Catherine was about to explode. She dug her fingers into her palms, her nails stabbing her hands in an attempt to remain quiet. She could see what this was doing to Jim and Ellie wasn't willing to let up.

Jim sat quietly. His eyebrows were twitching as he thought about what Ellie had said. "I was your hero?" he asked.

"Yeah, but I was too little to know any different. Then you and Mom kept fighting all the time. Everytime you came home it got worse. Finally, you just quit coming home. I found out later you were out doing that Krammer bitch. After that, you and Mom split."

"I was...I ..." Jim's eyes narrowed. Catherine had learned to recognize the signs of his memory returning. Something was happening, she could tell. Jim was mentally trying to grasp an impression; yelling, arguing...name calling. He could hear his own voice calling someone a whore and worse. A faint picture of a face formed in his mind. She was screaming at him. Divorce, she wanted a divorce. It was Nancy, his ex. Physically, Catherine could see him relax as the mental picture came into focus. The memory was coming back.

He looked at Ellie. "Your mother wanted a divorce. I'd been...I had an affair." His eyes narrowed again. "But, she'd had one too. No...more than one." He squinted as he forced the memory. "She'd slept with ...another cop, someone I knew."

Ellie glared at Jim. "No she didn't. She always waited for you. But you were out with that bitch."

"You walked in on the argument." Jim was concentrating again. "You were crying. I realized what we were doing to you..."

"You Dad...you were doing it to me. Calling Mom all those names; you weren't supposed to be like that. I hated you for it." Looking at her face, Catherine thought she still hated him for it.

Jim was deep into the memory now. "She'd been with the others...so many others, but the last one...that was the last straw. He was different, worse...I can't remember why." He was shaking his head.

"Look, if this is some trick to try ot get me to care..." Ellie began.

"No, I really don't remember. It comes back in little pieces. Like I can remember when you were little but I don't remember much after that."

"Cause you weren't around. It was easy to love me when I was little, Dad. But when I got older, something changed and you didn't love me the same."

It was then that Catherine realized what had gone wrong. It must have been about then that Jim had found out about Ellie's true parentage. She was the result of one of Nancy's affairs, with another cop. Jim had told Catherine that much before the explosion. Jim had said that he wasn't willing to give up on Ellie as his daughter and insisted that he was her father in all the ways that mattered. He'd tried hard to overlook Nancy's behavior but things just kept getting worse between them. Finally they had gone their seperate ways. Jim had buried himself in work and the investigation that had brought Ellie's biological father down. Somewhere in all of that, Jim's feelings about the guy must have spilled over into his feelings about Ellie. He loved her with all his heart, but she had picked up on something and it colored their relationship. The secret that he'd fought to keep for so long had been the downfall of their relationship. Now he didn't even remember the secret and as far as Catherine knew, Ellie had no idea.

Jim was trying to remember. But it was blank. He had no idea what could have changed. "I don't know," he said finally. "But you're my daughter..."

"Yeah, we're stuck with each other," Ellie said bitterly. Just then her phone began to ring. Picking it up she began to talk. "Yeah, I can make it. Party sounds good. I've got just the outfit." She paused and listened. "Lots of Johns...sounds good. Should be able to make the rent..."

Catherine was watching Jim's face. Yeah, he was understanding the conversation. His daughter was a hooker and she was planning the night's work...in front of her father.

Ellie finally hung up. Looking at Jim, she told him that she needed to get some sleep. "I've got to work tonight," she said pointedly. Catheirne could tell she was trying to hurt Jim. "So...you need to leave."

"Yeah, okay," Jim said sadly. "Can we talk again tomorrow?"

"I don't know.Call me in the morning," she said flatly.

Catherine and Jim made it back to his car. He sat behind the wheel and sighed deeply. Catherine was worried about him; his sadness filled the car and was weighing him down. "Jim, you okay?"

"I've been better," he smirked. "I must've been a real bastard."

"Well, if you were, you had good reason. Look, let's go someplace happy for a little while. Get your mind off of this and then we'll compare notes tonight."

"Yeah...I could use a little happy about now," he agreed as he started the car. "Let's go find some."

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How am I doing with this?


	14. Chapter 14

Interest seems to be waning, so this is the last chapter. Besides, inspiration came to me for another Brass story and I want to get it written before I lose the thread. Hope you've enjoyed this one.

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That night they were on the bed. Jim was leaning against the headboard and Catherine was snuggled into his chest. "I don't know, Catherine...maybe this trip wasn't such a good idea."

"Ellie still seems determined to hurt you, Jim. Gil and I both worried what this might do to you. You've done everything you could do to try and make it right with her, but she just won't let it happen. Sam and I had our ups and downs and I never could get past the feeling that he was a murderer, so I think I can understand that her feelings for you might be complicated. But I don't understand her attitude at all. It's like she wants to blame you for all of her bad decisions."

Jim sat there, absorbing her words. He was gently stroking her hair and leaned down to kiss the top of her head. "I'm lucky to have you in my corner," he said.

Nuzzling into him further she murmured, "I like it in your corner. It's all warm and cozy." They stayed like that awhile before Catherine broke the silence. "Jim...you never told me a lot about your relationship with Ellie's mother, but there's one thing you did tell me that I held back that day that Gil and I were filling you in on what we knew."

"You held back?" he said with mild surprise.

"Yeah, because I didn't know how to tell you. But listening to Ellie today...the pieces fell into place in my head." Catherine sat up and looked into his eyes. "Jim, you told me that Ellie isn't really your child. You said that she was the result of an affair that her mother had with a fellow cop."

"What?" he was looking at her in disbelief.

"You told me that when you found out, you refused to accept it at first but then you realized it was true. You and Nancy talked and agreed not to tell Ellie. You wanted to continue as her father; it wasn't a matter of who donated the sperm as far as you were concerned. But listening to Ellie today, I think maybe some of your feelings about the situation may have spilled over into the relationship. I'm not saying you loved her any less...just that Nancy's behavior tainted your relationship with Ellie once you knew the truth. She sensed the change and having no other explanation, she assumed that you didn't love her anymore, at least not like you always had."

As Catherine finished talking, she worried about Jim's reaction. He looked like he was about to throw up. His eyes went blank and he was staring off into nothingness. Finally, he released a ragged sigh and focused on her. "I'm really tired. I think I'll go to sleep now," was all he said.

She watched as he got ready for bed. Then as he crawled under the covers, she began her bedtime ritual and within minutes the room was dark and they were under the covers, each in their own private hell. Eventually, sleep came to them both.

Hours later, Jim was thrashing and sat up, wakened by a nightmare. Sweat was pouring over his face and he realized that he had been crying in his sleep. His dream had awakened Catherine and she sat up next to him. She didn't say a word but gathered him in a hug and held him tightly."I had a nightmare," he told her.

"Yeah, I thought so..." she responded.

"It was about Ellie." He paused and then tears began to flow. "I remember, Catherine. I remember it all...everything. His name was O'Toole. Nancy had a fling with him while I was working the graveyard shift to get the extra pay so we could buy a house. When it all came out that she was sleeping with him, she said it was because she was lonely at night. So I switched shifts and was home at night, but she wasn't any happier. Then she said she was pregnant. I just assumed...I mean, we were still ...well, there was no reason to think the baby wasn't mine. And then Ellie was born. God, she was a beautiful baby. She had me wrapped around her little finger from the first time I saw her. I loved her more than I've ever loved anyone in my entire life. And I was so happy with her. I thought Nancy had settled down too. But when Ellie was four, I found out that Nancy was seeing other guys again. We limped along in our marraige, with me trying to look the other way...for Ellie's sake, you know." He paused, trying to collect himself.

"It's okay, Jim...take your time."

Taking a deep breath, Jim continued. "Then came the investigation into the Vice Squad. Mike O'Toole was part of the squad and a focal point of the investigation. I hated that guy. In the middle of all of that, I found out that Nancy was with him again. That's when she told me that he was Ellie's father, not me. It scared the hell out of me. What if suddenly decided he wanted to play family with my family? So I went after him with a vengance. He's still in prison as a result. It was also during that time that I had an affair. Nancy used that as an excuse to get a divorce and sent me packing. I was relieved to get away from her but it crushed me to have to leave Ellie. I had started drinking pretty heavily and was a real mess. I dunno, something in Ellie's face when I visited her made me realize that I had to change. So I gave up drinking...totally for awhile. And I tried to put my career back together. But as a cop who had ratted out my fellow cops, I was having a pretty tough time. My only regret about leaving and coming here was that I left Ellie behind. But I was drowning there. I had to make a fresh start, so I came to Vegas."

"I remember everything about Ellie too. She's a hooker. A few years ago, I stood behind the glass wall of a LAPD interrogation room and listened to a cokehead talk about my daughter and how good she was...well, you know... It made me sick. I was pretty hard on her but then she's been giving me hell for years. Anyway, we've hardly talked since."

"Jim, you can't blame yourself. All you did was try to make a bad situation work, but it didn't. Nancy created this whole mess. And Ellie continues to blame you when she is the one making bad choices. And in spite of all of that, I know that you have tried to help her, jeopardizing your job in the process."

"Yeah...but it doesn't make me feel any better." He shifted and moved out of her embrace. Taking her face in his hands, he looked into her eyes. "But having you here with me, it does make me feel better. If you love me...then I can't be so bad, right?" Life was beginning to return to his eyes.

Looking at him, she asked, "What else do you remember?"

"I remember us...how you were there for me after I got shot; how I panicked when Lindsey was abducted and later when I heard you were with Sam when he got shot. I remember how much I've wanted you for years and how it made me feel that night when we were dancing...and after...what it meant to me when you said you love me."

"I'm glad you remember us now, completely. I wish those other memories could've just stayed gone though."

"No, it's okay. Ellie and Nancy and all of that...it's my past. You are my present and I hope my future. I'm going to go talk with Ellie one last time in the morning. I'm going to tell her the truth...all of it. I've already lost her, so it won't matter to me. But maybe it will help her in some way. And then we're going home.And once we're there, I hope that you'll marry me and we can build a future together."

Catherine looked into his blue pools of sincerity and knew where her future was...or more precisely, who it was with. Smiling at him, her eyes begin to glisten. "I'd like that very much, Jim...to build a future with you."

Their kiss was long and full of promise. His memory restored, Jim was even more aware how awesome her presence in his life was. One thing his dark past provided was an appreciation of the incredible gift she was giving him...a future filled with love and hope. His mind wandered back to the first night they had made love and how the discovery of their feelings for one another had been so overpowering. After the past few weeks, this journey of rediscovery seemed even more amazing. One thing Jim knew for sure, after years of looking he had finally found home.


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